| The part can never be well unless the whole is | | | | and the painful remembrance upon awakening will |
| well. ~Plato | | | | dull as you move through the healing process. |
| 1. Experience Your Pain | | | | Sometimes our bodies and minds (usually our |
| This is one idea I will repeat over and over. Our | | | | minds) won't let us sleep or won't let us sleep for |
| culture very much promotes experiential | | | | long. In this case, at least allow yourself to |
| avoidance which keeps us 'stuck' in grief (and | | | | rest. Lie quietly and listen to quiet, soothing |
| many other emotions). We often think grief and | | | | music. Take a bubble bath. Take short naps. |
| pain will go away if we can just avoid it long | | | | 5. Get a Massage |
| enough -- it won't. It usually just gets harder and | | | | Or acupuncture. Or energy work. Or a |
| lasts longer. | | | | pedicure. There are many things we can do to |
| 2. Mourn as well as grieve | | | | nurture our body and our soul through the |
| We often use the words grieving and mourning | | | | grieving process. Give yourself some love. |
| interchangeably, but there is a difference. Grief | | | | 6. Get Out and Experience Nature |
| is the personal, internal response to loss; mourning | | | | Remind yourself of the beauty and resilience of |
| is the external, social sharing and expression of | | | | nature. Take a walk in the woods, see the |
| grief. | | | | majesty of the mountains or the vastness of the |
| In healing grief it is important to allow others to | | | | open sky, lay in the grass and watch the clouds, |
| support us. For some, this requires releasing the | | | | gaze at the stars, smell flowers, dig your feet into |
| belief we (or others) have of ourselves as being a | | | | the sand on the beach, get out on the lake, climb |
| particular someone (i.e. "the strong one," "the | | | | a tree, get your hands in the dirt. Nature can be |
| rock," or "independent.") We may need to allow | | | | healing in and of itself. |
| ourselves to lean, to receive help and support | | | | 7. Eat Healthy |
| from others. Most of us are not skilled at asking | | | | In times of pain and grief and general emotional |
| for support or telling others what we need. (I | | | | upset, we often reach for the very foods that |
| totally get this -- I was the "strong one" and | | | | end up making us feel worse. Carbs, alcohol, |
| spent years trying to handle everything alone so | | | | processed foods, ice cream -- they all give us |
| that I wouldn't bother anyone or "be a burden.") | | | | that brief sense of relief but in the end are just |
| This is an often scary skill to learn but it is so | | | | another form of experiential avoidance. |
| vitally important. It also leads into my next idea. | | | | Eating healthy - lots of fruits, veggies, nuts - helps |
| 3. Learn to say No | | | | our body function better. This helps with the |
| This tends to be especially difficult for women but | | | | feelings of exhaustion that accompany grief. It |
| can be challenging for all. Grief is exhausting. | | | | also helps our bodies have the energy to process |
| Healing from grief consumes a huge amount of | | | | and heal grief. When our bodies are loaded down |
| emotional, mental, and physical energy. There | | | | with sugar and alcohol and junk, they have to |
| may be some things that have to do be done | | | | expend more energy processing that and there is |
| and can't be put off until we work through the | | | | little energy left to process the grief. (This can |
| grieving process -- going to work, taking care of | | | | be hard - it took me a LONG time to figure it |
| children or pets, paying the bills, looking for new | | | | out) |
| work, legal and practical decisions (especially after | | | | 8. Write |
| a death or divorce), etc. However, there are | | | | Journal. Write poetry. Write songs. Blog. Write |
| many things we can say no to for a while. | | | | letters. Write stories. Write anything. Writing can |
| Dinner or lunch invitations, joining yet another | | | | be incredibly healing. Let out all the stuff you |
| committee, the need to keep the house perfectly | | | | have stuffed inside, the stuff you might not be |
| clean (your friends will forgive you the dust, if | | | | ready to speak out loud, the things you wanted |
| they even notice!), moving or making other big | | | | to tell someone but didn't get a chance. Write |
| changes for a while and so much more. | | | | whatever will help you on your journey through |
| Say yes to giving yourself time and space to | | | | grief. Don't worry about grammar or structure |
| care for yourself. Say yes to giving yourself | | | | or punctuation. Just let it spill out. It's always |
| permission to experience your pain and to heal. | | | | beautiful. |
| 4. Sleep | | | | 9. Get a pet |
| This is a simple yet often challenging one. As a | | | | Or spend time with the one you already have. |
| society, we are already sleep deprived and living | | | | Dogs and cats work beautifully but so will other |
| our lives in a state of exhaustion. Grief adds | | | | animals. Find what suits you. Pets bring us |
| another layer to that exhaustion. | | | | endless comfort, laughs, and remind us to live in |
| Sleep can be a two-edged sword when one is | | | | the present moment. Pets are some of the |
| grieving. On one hand, it gives us respite from | | | | best healers. |
| our pain and gives our bodies and minds time to | | | | 10. Allow yourself to practice each of the above |
| rest and heal. On the other hand, that moment | | | | ideas imperfectly. |
| when you awake and it all comes rushing back is | | | | Basically, in everything through this, be kind and |
| intensely painful. Sleep is necessary for healing | | | | gentle and loving to yourself. |
